Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I puked a lego.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
