We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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