oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
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I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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