you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Is it because I queefed?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
