My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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