he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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