how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
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Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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