i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
