my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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