Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
