Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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