I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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