The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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