I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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