I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
