I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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