Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
