I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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