He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I know her cup size but not her name....
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
