She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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