its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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