no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
