If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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