your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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