She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
