Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
