There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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