I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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