YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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