Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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