I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
