id be glad to
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
