He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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