you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
