I didn't shave. On purpose
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
