I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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