Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
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