you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Still dying that you shit outside
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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