me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
