I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
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