sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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