I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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