I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
