dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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