She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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