All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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