I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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