I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
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Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
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Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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