you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
