"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
