I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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