Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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