nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
