The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
And my parents said I crawled through the house
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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