I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
