You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
