True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
