Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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