WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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