my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
