i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
