Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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