I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
