Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Randomize
