Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
