Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize