best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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