Fine. I'll sleep in my office
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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