I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
