well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
