Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
